I always have been kind at heart. I don’t have hate towards anyone, no matter how unkind they may have been towards me or my family, but my heart has lost the meaning of love and joy through the years with the loss of my loved ones. The ones that I carry in my Spirit. I became arrogant, and prideful and that is as far as my accountability goes to the personal and professional storm that God has allowed to be carried out against me. I have learned to be confident, resilient and rebellious as I weather the storm or perhaps the storm awakened those dormant attributes in me. Moving right along, I took a car that is on its last leg to get an oil change.
I should be driving a BMW or at least a decent new car. I have a Bachelor’s degree and had 2 national certifications in critical and demanding areas in my field. I lived and breathed for my profession. I knew every aspect of my field and had no mercy for df(s) at the bedside who were in charge because in my field, if you are a df, you must not take a leadership position or accept one that is handed to you because lives are at stake. So, I refused to engage in conduct and the other person’s bruised ego, and position of power became the catalyst for my professional storm.
Instead, I pulled into Wal-Mart’s auto shop for an oil change en una carcacha. The car’s color is unrecognizable. The windows have a glimpse of the tainted sheet that once protected the UV rays from its occupants, and allowed some type of privacy for them as well. It only has one shoe left (tire cap). I believe it is at almost at 300 miles and the rear view mirror just fell out. I was so embarrassed to drive it in that condition, but it really is all I can do at the moment.
“What color is this car?” Said the mechanic after trying for several minutes to discern the car’s color. “Black,” I repeated while trying to cover my face with my open hand as if I was going to cough or something. I couldn’t think of another way to become invisible. “I’m trying to drive this car to the ground.” I said to the mechanic “Well, little lady, I think you’re almost there.” said the mechanic.
Car Diagnosis: “It has two big leaks. The oil and the transmission are leaking,” he almost whispered enabling my feelings of inadequacy at the time as he winked at me. His winked wasn’t flirtatious. It was like a wink that Santa would give one as he is caught leaving Christmas gifts under the tree and takes a bite of his Christmas cookies.
Christmas!!! Oh, crap! Nothing to give…… More humbling lessons to learn I guess.
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