Football Snob

“Who needs to lose or win for the Dallas Cowboys to make it to the Superbowl?” I asked in a somber voice based on the sad news I heard about the COWBOYS. What? No! Dak’s hand is ok. It’s not broken and if it was, do you think Jerry Jones will let us disclose that? Hell to the No, No.

“Don’t worry about that, this is the AFC,” a football snob answered.

My Inner Child: “Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, don’t engage. Do not engage.”

Also me: Bitch, I know this is the AFC, but I’m not talking about the Chiefs! I distinctly said, COWBOYS. Let me spell it out 4 u. N F C!

My Inner Child: She’s going to drag me to hell with her. :/

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I Woke up like this…..

I woke up like this: Dallas Cowboys 38 Washington 14, Michael Flynn pleads guilty to lying to the FBI, and legal folk and or Oval office, “Michael Flynn is an administrator for the Obama administration and a proven liar.

FLAWLESS!!!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂

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Waiting For Start Up

As I sat in the car waiting for the 8:30AM race to began, I noticed that not many cars were in the parking lot, and soon anxiety began to kick in. I looked at my number and it read 1715. Are there only 1715 participants and that’s why I don’t see that many cars?

Then another thought kicked in as soon as the other one ended, “Oh, my, you’re going to be in last place if only 1715 people signed up?” I bet your sucking wind now, wishing you would’ve trained better, put more miles into the training, maybe some weight training?”

Then a conscious thought to put all the bitching self talk to rest, “HEY, THE WARRIOR IS LISTENING!” And just like that the voices turned into cheer leaders. That’s right bitches! I am the captain of this ship!

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“Lets’s Marvin Gaye And Get It On.”

Learning The Rumba has nothing 2 do w age

If this song doesn’t get you intrigued to learn Rumba, nothing will.

It is easy. Draw an imaginary square behind you, and for my girls, start with your right foot back, the left foot follows in a sweeping motion draws a bacwards C to end on the other side of the square.

The right foot meets the left, now do the same thing with the left foot.

Left foot forward, right foot does a C this time but start sweeping motion at the end of the C and end on the other side of the square. By the way, you’re not really sweeping with your foot. You are just going through the motion.

The timing is “slow, quick, quick, slow.” Just repeat it in your head.

Yes there are turns, that’s just the basic step. Oh what the hell, go take a Rumba class after Happy Hour, you will love it “or my name isn’t Orville Redenbacher.”

Who the hell is Orville Redenbacher?

Classes are cheap, no appt necessary, and is better than therapy. Don’t ask “)

Let me know how you do.

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BLADE RUNNER 2049

Is it me, or weren’t the earlier Blade Runners movies about vampires? So, I sat my a$$ down to a big popcorn w butta and slurped on a drink waiting for the first glance of a vampire, the one that glitters in the sunlight preferably. “) And soon I was captivated by Ryan Glossing, I mean the plot about bioengineered humans that were having babies- real ones. I swear this movie was probably as long as the Titanic movie but I wasn’t complaining. Yeah, he’s HOT!!!! Then Harrison Ford strikes back (no punt intended) with “when you love someone, you have to be a stranger to them.” Wahhhh, wahhhh, fighting down the tears. Actually, no, I’m good, that’s residue from being sick over yhe weekend. Twilight who? What? Vampires that glitter? Oh, got it. #teamedward Aztk Prncss by Shiloh Hunter (C) Copyright. All rights reserved.

No Monster Palooza 4 Me :*(

They were huddling around the coffee like Dak Prescott right before he opened a new one to the Kansas City Chiefs (because we all know that’s coming). 

I showed up to work with monster face stickers and Sapphire Siren Lipstick. No one else was participating for Halloween. Remember that movie- Legally Blonde? The first one? Ah, Geeez, the one where she shows up to the costume party dressed up like a bunny and no one else was in a costume? That One. That was me. Awkard? Not for me. No sirrreee. I celebrate Halloween and Merry Christmas without awkwardness or giving a hoot about who’s with me. Everyone has heard about the Monster Palooza I was going to go and everyone knew that I was going to YABA DABA DO like Fred Flintstone at the end of the shift. Comes hell or high water, my a$$ was out of there and en route to the Monster Palooza.

Then the wind picked up after 2 and started to freeze all the bones- mine! All 206 bones, not just one. Then coughing and sneezing surrounded me for 12 hours. Then the soft whispers began to float like flurries, “is beginning to snow in_____. Shhhh, don’t tell her,” they said. They were huddling around the coffee like Dak Prescott right before he opened a new one to the Kansas City Chiefs (because we all know that’s coming). Who? Rayne Dakota Prescott! The best quarterback on this planet. That’s who! By Yaba Daba Do time, I was having a scratchy throat, post nasal drainage, low grade temp, no costume, and !@#$%^&* snow!

I told everyone, I’m going straight to bed. “Yeah, right, there is no way, you are going to bed when there’s a monster Palooza in the mountains somewhere.” What mountains? They didn’t believe me, and I’m sicker than a dog.

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It’s Deer Season!

“It’s Deer Season,” they said, as I wrap around my scarf and put on my super warm gloves while a kind soul opened the door offering the drizzling rain, a place to warm the fuck up.

There’s this place up the road that fattens up deer and for a fee; you can stay up in a cottage and hunt deer. “They guarantee a kill,” they say.

But thats not what they’re talking about. They want me to not run over the deer on the road. Be it that I already killed a raccoon last week.

It’s a tough crowd, folks. Tough nosey crowd.

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