“Who needs to lose or win for the Dallas Cowboys to make it to the Superbowl?” I asked in a somber voice based on the sad news I heard about the COWBOYS. What? No! Dak’s hand is ok. It’s not broken and if it was, do you think Jerry Jones will let us disclose that? Hell to the No, No.
“Don’t worry about that, this is the AFC,” a football snob answered.
My Inner Child: “Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, don’t engage. Do not engage.”
Also me: Bitch, I know this is the AFC, but I’m not talking about the Chiefs! I distinctly said, COWBOYS. Let me spell it out 4 u. N F C!
My Inner Child: She’s going to drag me to hell with her.
I woke up Thanksgiving morning to the sweet smell of- nothing, and the sounds of- nothing. Suddenly I felt the urge to rejoice. Could it be? Could today my wish of not eating turkey on Thanksgiving be granted?
Then my phone started going off. “We” have to cook and it has to be ready by noon.
I don’t mind eating like a schizophrenic, cooking like one though… Yeah, I have a problem with that.
First item on my list, Tequila and every Liquor store was closed, except Walmart.
“Excuse me? Where’s the alcohol? I asked.
“It’s by the pharmacy,” a staff member answered.
Me, “Yeah, it’s not that type of pain.”
He had no idea what I was looking for, but in a matter of seconds Santa’s helpers filtered through the isles to point me in the right direction-out of state because Walmart did not have alcohol at this location.
As I sat in the car waiting for the 8:30AM race to began, I noticed that not many cars were in the parking lot, and soon anxiety began to kick in. I looked at my number and it read 1715. Are there only 1715 participants and that’s why I don’t see that many cars?
Then another thought kicked in as soon as the other one ended, “Oh, my, you’re going to be in last place if only 1715 people signed up?” I bet your sucking wind now, wishing you would’ve trained better, put more miles into the training, maybe some weight training?”
Then a conscious thought to put all the bitching self talk to rest, “HEY, THE WARRIOR IS LISTENING!” And just like that the voices turned into cheer leaders. That’s right bitches! I am the captain of this ship!
I forgot my charger in the car, and was too tired to go get it. I looked at the phone, and it read back a 98% battery. I looked into the Heavens and proclaimed Victory. Aha! One for me down here on Earth. I took a hot shower, brushed my teeth, and moisturized my face, ears, neck and hands for they have just survived an unusual blizzard out of season. No, Hell no! Don’t you blame that on El Niño. Don’t you dare! I got into the hot covers, said a prayer or two and went to sleep with the biggest smile on my face to the 98% battery display on my phone. Only to wake up to?
No electricity! How the fuck did that happen? I went into survival mode only to realize that I can’t do much without electricity. I have no batteries, no candles, the garage door……won’t open, and my phone is at 4%. Is an Apocalypse, and I will not make it.
The electric company is pissed so I’m at the bottom of the list and “no can’t do. Pay ur bill on time next time!”
If this was the Walking Dead…..Me dead, already……
Aztk Prncss by Shiloh Hunter (C) Copyright. All rights reserved.